So the contract is signed - as of next season, I will be joining the full-time chorus of Bühnen Bern in the beautiful Swiss capital. This change, though I’ve had so many along the way already, somehow feels most significant... maybe because I’ve been - for almost three years now - the most settled I’ve ever been, with my job and home in Linz, Austria. The friends I’ve made here, the life I’ve built, the experiences I’ve had are going to be especially hard to say goodbye to. Not to say the people and experiences I had in Adelaide, in Glasgow, then Sydney were of any less value, but in those phases of my life I somehow always knew I was working towards something new, something bigger; there was something else out there for me I had not yet reached, but needed to. Now this move to Bern feels like an exhale, a tying-together, like something that could potentially end up being more of a destination than a passing-through. Of course, I won’t really know what it’s like until I’m there. Of course, the door will always be open to other adventures, other cities, other kinds of careers, even. But I feel like this is one step closer to fulfilling my values and goals as they stand now, at this stage of my life.
This change leads me to think about something big: what really is success? Is it not whatever we define it to be for ourselves? And what actually is the kind of career, the kind of life I want? Looking back, I realise that all I ever wanted was to sing. To live in Europe, and to earn enough by singing in Europe to get by, have a comfortable, yet adventurous life. A good life. And I’m doing that – I am actually living my dream. Not as the biggest star, not as a renowned touring soloist, not as a solo ensemble member, but as a chorus singer. And I’ve finally realised this is actually the right path for me, the perfect path.
Let’s talk for a moment about solo vs chorus careers. So many young singers, from the moment they begin their studies, are fed this idea that the only real, worthwhile, valid career, is to be a soloist. This great, faraway dream is presented to us as something we could actually have one day, although statistically, the majority of Classical Voice undergrads will not end up on the solo stage. And what does “ending up on the solo stage” even mean for a person? Does that mean signing the odd contract as a principal artist at one theatre or other over the years and you’ve made it? What does that mean for paying your bills and buying groceries? What if you want a family and a house someday? A dog and a garden? No one really talks about this part, at least they didn’t when I was going through. The idea was always just: become a soloist - and if you don’t quite reach that point then you haven’t really “made it”. Anything else is lesser. Chorus is considered lesser. Everything is geared towards that mystic pristine soloistic dream.
Many of us are told at some point or other that we should actually avoid opera chorus work like the plague – that any association with this ugly, inferior entity will actually damage our careers, will somehow taint us, will cause us to be seen differently, will make us ineligible for getting solo work down the track. On one hand, considering how much incredible industry experience, learning, observation opportunities, stage skills and vocal stamina can develop from a chorus job, this claim should really be marked as utterly ridiculous. And then… on the other hand, what if chorus work actually IS the career itself? Does anyone ever talk about the fact that there are far more full-time chorus jobs in Europe than solo jobs? I mean, I guess it’s kind of obvious when you think about it… but what about the fact that entry-level salaries for chorus singers are usually higher than entry-level soloist ones? That one was a surprise to me. How about the job security, the lower individual pressure, the joys (and challenges) of working as a team? How about the variety of repertoire you can experience in a chorus? How about the sheer possibilities of your dynamic range when you are singing as forty people instead of as one? Singing in harmony? Then, does anyone talk about how some choruses get almost two months of paid summer leave, which the singers do not need to spend bent over scores studying the next opera, because we will do that during work hours once season begins again? In a chorus, it’s not at all unusual to sing until retirement. I may not, although at this stage I plan to still be performing into my sixties. Turns out, a chorus career is so much more than anyone ever let on to me.
I don’t for a minute mean to take away from what soloists do. I have utmost respect for the work of soloists, but it is, quite simply, a very different job. I believe one is not lesser or higher than the other – they are worlds apart. And I am incredibly, wildly lucky that I get to spend my working hours in the rehearsal room and on the stage, creating art as a part of a crazy, wonderful team. I am also incredibly lucky that my particular study journey and early singing experience just so happened to steer me in the right direction for the career I have now. I just wish someone, anyone, along the way had told me that this was something I could actually choose, that this was an excellent and valid career pathway, then it might not have taken me so long before realising it for myself. To be honest, maybe they did – maybe someone did tell me this would be a real option and not just a fallback – but I never listened because of everything else I had been feeding myself, encouraging this idea that it has to be solo or nothing.
Now, even now I have people, friends, loved ones, colleagues saying to me – oh but you’re still so young. You could still go and do the solo thing! You should. You’re so good. You could really do it! And maybe they are right. Perhaps I could. And whenever I hear this I get this tug of FOMO, a little seed of hunger that pushes me to think, oh, I should! Why did I never write to that whole list of agents that’s been sitting on my desktop for years? Why did I never go and get more coachings with the right connections who were always available to me, why did I not cold email opera houses for solo work the same way I cold emailed for chorus work? Yes, I should just work a little harder and with some luck I could actually make it-
Wait.
Why?
Because I’m afraid maybe I’m missing out on something even better than what I already have? I know what the industry is now, I’ve seen it. It’s not glamorous. It is tough, brutal, confusing, often disappointing. Artistic decisions are made for administrative or political reasons all the time, and I see singers sacrificing so much of themselves for the privilege of doing this crazy thing. I have also sacrificed so much myself – how much further would I want to go? What for?
It is time to finally call it: I am a chorus singer. The career I’ve crafted has taken an immense amount of work and investment, and it is something I’m incredibly proud of; it has not been easy. And now I live in the centre of Europe, I’ve learnt a second language, I sing for my salary, I have access to sick leave, maternity leave, company ski trips. Now and then I step into small solo roles which I do love, as it keeps me on my toes, keeps a bit of adrenaline running through what I do, brings a little bit of challenge and fun and spotlight alongside the quieter satisfaction of being a small part of an enormous machine. I get to spend my free afternoons painting or writing or browsing bookstores and buying new books on a whim, meeting friends for coffee, walking the dog. On the (rarer) evenings off I can curl up and read or go out for drinks or host a dinner party and I don’t have to skimp on ingredients because I can actually afford all I need now, just by singing for my supper.
I want to send a message out to all young singers unsure about how they might earn an income, build a lasting career and a balanced life, once they finish their singing degrees. An opera chorus career in Europe is a viable, respectable, challenging career choice, one that I am happy to have fallen into - I may always take the first bows, but I get to take them on beautiful stages alongside incredible people – and I hope I will for a long time.
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